When fitting in became a full-time job

Delmar Almeida
3 min readFeb 18, 2017
Lot of blue spheres with unhappy faces, one of them is yellow and happy.

At a young age I never strived to fit in. I met lots of people who were simples and friends from the heart, never seeking problems. There were others who weren’t that nice to others but eventually they wouldn’t mess with me. I think my kind and relaxed nature made me easy to deal with other people.

I was, and still am, against violence and there were very few times that I had to scream or put a fucking angry face, and, even fewer times did I had to resolve into physical harm but if someone would mess with me their would be payback sooner or later. I’d always practiced martial arts but that wasn’t something that would bring me confidence or power. I could put them a real scare and shut them up but just the thought of it made me sick and angry. I usually walk away unless the problem still follows me. It seems I’m more of a peace maker than a warrior.

Now, back to topic…

As I said before, fitting in wasn’t something that I felt I needed to do. I now look at kids and grown ups trying hard to fit in our society and in their social life acquaintances. I see their pain when not being accepted by the ones they want. Through expensive brands of clothing, adventurous stories, trips into a different country, their crazy bosses and colleagues, everyone tries to fit in their groups with what they think is a standard to everyone. If that standard wasn’t meet then a normal conversation that could lead to something like “I never heard about that, I’m curious tell me more” would end in a “Wtf, no one does that! Lol”. This act happens in different levels of society where we get blinded by our own environment and comfort zone believing this is the standard of normal life.

At the point we also start to believe in what others think it’s normal we feel the need to fit in, become like everyone else so we don’t look like a freak or different from the hole group and reduce the possibility to be thrown out of the social circle.

So, when “fitting in” became a full time job?

“To fit in” is a group process and not a action for one person only. You can not fit in alone, it’s not a solo job, you can disguise yourself as the wolf did in little red ridding hood and blend but never really fit in the group. Fitting in is a work to be done when a group gets a new member. That member needs to be taught how the group works while being integrated at small steps.

It’s like a new football player entering a new team, they both need to now their strengths and weaknesses so they can play along and accomplish a good game together. Imagine that player being mocked or left behind for not picking up his team mates paces or even the opposite, he being to fast for them and not reducing his own speed and play cooperatively.

My suggestion:

  1. If you’re in a social group that gets a new person be pleasant and creative in making your acquaintance with them. If you make them feel welcome they’ll put their best effort into that group and make sacrifices;
  2. For people entering a new social group just be yourselves and if they deny how or who you are what is the point in being with them? There is probably other groups will fit in for sure.

Hope you try your best to help other people fit in.

Cheers,

Delmar Almeida

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Delmar Almeida

Coder, enterpreneur and aspiring digital nomad. Lover of food and nature.